Here are the “rules“.
And if you’d like to see the full June 2011 DC solicits head over to CBR.
BECAUSE YOU DEMANDED IT…it’s the return of DRUNK COVER SOLICITS IN THREE SENTENCES OR LESS!
So, on my third glass of Veuve…here we go…
This month is covered in Flash Spooge…and so much of it is boooooring. Though I do like those Furies…
Batman & Robin 24. Oh Damian, you rascal you, I wish I didn’t love you so. Biting the Red Hood’s hand…how cheeky. Sidenote, Damian’s cheeky rascaliness (not a word) is distracting me from some serious problems with this drawing…like whatever is going on with Red Hood’s head…but who cares?! VEUVE.
Green Lantern 67. Apparently in this world everything is green. And everything being green makes everyone SERIOUS and GROUCHY. Good times.
Action Comics 902. I like this. That is all.
American Vampire 16. Great colors choices, division of space, plus scary ass monsters, I’m in.
Batgirl 22. Pretty cool, but man do I continue to hate the fuck out of that ugly purple Batgirl costume.
Batman: Arkham City 3. There’s some delicious insanity to this, plus the Bat-silhouette is cool. It’s a bit fussy though…and maybe it’s just my blurred vision but The Joker looks like he has about a thousand fingers.
Batman Beyond 6. Nice.
Batman: Gates Of Gotham 2. I was just gonna talk about how this is kinda cool but OHMYGODTHAT’SCASSCAININTHETENOCLOCKSPOT! OMG!!!!
Batman Inc. 8 I love this. I don’t know if that’s just the drink talking but it looks badass. The lit up bits, the see through wire Batman, the chalk outline that’s not chalk. It’s all pretty fucking cool.
Batman: The Dark Knight 5. Did you guys know that the power of the sun lives inside Bats chest symbol? Yeah, me neither.
Birds of Prey 13. This is about as fucking awesome as you can make that stupid belly costume look.
Dear Jesus Saiz. Please don’t ever leave. And if you get a chance, change that goddamn ridiculous costume. Love, Kelly
Cinderella: Fables Are Forever 5. Hmm. I feel mix-y about this. On the one hand I like it better than issue #1. On the other hand, as someone that writes a column called SHE HAS NO HEAD…I find the fact that SHE (MOSTLY) HAS NO HEAD, problematic. WHY does SHE (MOSTLY) HAVE NO HEAD?!?!?!
DC Comics Presents: Superman Infestation 1. Hahahahahahahahaha. Look at his itty bitty head! HAHAHAHAHA! Is it better to have only part of a head…or to have a head a quarter the size of your massive arm or pec?
Detective Comics 878. This is cool, but I feel like the white outline doesn’t really work. I bet like a thousand drunk dollars that it would work better without that white bit. The cape bits are nice though.
DMZ 66. Oh, this is just awesome. Great limited color choice, use of white, use of text, and use of…well, everything.
Fables 106. Nice. Good use of composition and color, it also feels very emotional and poignant to me.
Flashpoint: Batman Knight of Vengeance 1. Heh. That Batman smile makes me happy.
Flashpoint: Citizen Cold 1. Seriously? Citizen Cold #1? I hope the Flashpoint names get better than this. Also, this cover kinda blows.
Flashpoint: Deadman And The Flying Graysons 1. Well, I don’t know if the name is any better (well it is a little) but the imagery is FANTASTIC. The colors, the retro feel, the poster quality and use of text…plus ALLIGATORS!
Flashpoint: Emperor Aquaman 1. I am already so sick of typing the word Flashpoint. Ugh. How many more do I have to gooooooo.
Flashpoint: Frankenstein And The Creatures Of The Unknown 1. So what we know is that the creatures of the unknown hate Nazis. But who doesn’t really? Except skinheads and clan and shit…so, we know nothing. Boo.
Flashpoint: Grodd Of War 1. David Brothers hates this. He’s not wrong.
Flashpoint: Legion Of Doom 1. Is this a chick or a dude? I can’t tell. Maybe that’s cool? I don’t know. The foreground is a bit gruesome though, I know that much.
Flashpoint: Lois Lane And The Resistance 1. Why do these all books have such terrible names!? I think I’ll read this book…maybe, but I kinda really really hate the art. And the silly name.
Flashpoint: Reverse Flash 1. Reverse Flash? Really comics? Really?!
Flashpoint: The Canterbury Cricket 1. Here’s the thing…I want to make fun of this name…which is ridiculous…but this is by far the most interesting looking “Flashpoint” book yet…so I’m conflicted…
Flashpoint: Wonder Woman And The Furies 1. I take back everything I said…Wonder Woman And The Furies? Best book title eva! Also, I dig the armor.
Gotham City Sirens 24. Whoa. Crazy. So I dig the extremeness of this. The Joker image is really pushed and fascinating. But why does Harley just look like her typical “hott” self while she holds onto a crazy distorted looking Joker…? Seems like bullshit.
Green Lantern Corps 61. John’s got like a tenhead going on here instead of a forehead. Or maybe it’s a twentyhead. Whatever it is, it looks regoddamndidiculous.
Green Lantern Emerald Warriors 11. All I’m gonna say is that his belt looks HELLA uncomfortable. And yes, I’m bringing hella back.
Hellblazer 280. Parts of me want to hate this, but it’s pretty damn good. The detail is fucking fantastic, as is the expression.
House Of Mystery 38. Whoa. Very cool. Probably my favorite House of Mystery cover yet. Creepy yet cool. Nice mix of textures, good composition, nice layering, and color choices. I still love the text too.
iZombie 14. This is a good idea, but I don’t love the execution. As always with Allred’s iZombie covers, they’re all good but there’s a wide divide between the truly great and the good.
JSA 80-Page Giant 2011. I bet this looks 80% less ridiculous with a title block…yeah?
Justice League of America 58. Seriously?! WHAT THE FUCK COMICS!?! It’s not enough for the costume to just be completely ridiculous, we also have to tear it all up? Just for the record…I will never read Donna Troy while she exists in this variation of her costume. There, I said it. I feel so unburdened.
Northlanders 41. Completely awesome. The desaturated color palette combined with that fantastic nearly glowing knife…the composition…LOVE IT! Her expression is particularly great.
Power Girl 25. See, now this is why you don’t cut a giant cleavage whole out of your main character’s chest. Because it looks EXTRA FUCKING RIDICULOUS when you want her to absorb a bolt of lightning in her chest. JESUS.
Scalped 50. Hmm. Not the best I’ve seen from Scalped. But even a weak Scalped cover is still pretty damn good.
The Spirit 15. This is great in so many ways…the expression, the set up, the composition, the storytelling…all good stuff. However, the colors look really muddy and flat…?
Supergirl 65. Welllllll, I don’t see the bike shorts (and I should) so points off for that…but otherwise this is really great. The composition is strong and it has excellent movement. The white space and darks and lights are really good, and Supergirl, except for the missing shorts, looks wonderful. I’m really digging her hair actually.
Superman Batman 85. There are nice things about this…several of them…but all I can see is Superman’s package…
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!?!?!
Unwritten 26. Wow, this is really powerful. Another emotionally riveting and stylistically gorgeous cover. The color choices are always really smart on these.
Wonder Woman 612 (variant). Ugh. The boobs look SOOOO fake. Parts of me want to be excited, because I hate that new costume (despite wishing Wonder Woman would get some straps and pants) but all I can see are GIANT FAKE FUCKING BOOBS ON WONDER WOMAN. Bitch does not need FAKE BOOBS dudes. C’mon!
Sidenote: Are fake boobs such a thing now, that dudes genuinely don’t know the difference between what giant silicone implants looks like and natural breasts look like…are we really to that point?
Zatanna 14. Wow. Except for her expression, which is slightly porn-y, I love everything about this. Love the restraint Hughes used in her proportions, love her face, and the environment all around her. The glow on her from the book, and the darkness surrounding her. Really beautiful stuff.
19 comments
Comments feed for this article
March 26, 2011 at 1:02 pm
Greg Burgas
If the Cinderella cover showed her head completely, it wouldn’t be able to feature both the boobs AND the bare midriff. One of those would have to be cut out, and come on, K – that’s just silly. Do you want comics to be silly, Ms. Thompson?
Regarding Power Girl (and many other covers like it): After they’ve drawn something like this, do artists sit there and think, “Hey, it’s kind of as if some strange entity is tit-fucking PG”? I mean, we’ve seen so many instances of tentacles/lightning/spears/other penis substitutes around the breasts and crotch of women, so artists have to know what they’re doing, right? They can’t be that stupid, can they? So DC/Marvel has to be encouraging this, right?
It seems, to me, fairly easy to spot fake boobs. Maybe it’s not.
Why would Hughes put that expression on Zatanna’s face? You’re right that it’s porny, and it doesn’t seem to fit, either. Odd.
March 26, 2011 at 1:47 pm
Phillip
Please pardon me for showing my age, but here is some useless trivia. The cover to Hellblazer #280 by Simon Bisley is a nod to a previous cover by Glenn Fabry (#61, 1993):
http://www.glennfabry.co.uk/gallery/Fgallery4-18.jpg
I personally prefer Fabry’s piece, but appreciate the homage. Regardless, keep up the good work!
March 26, 2011 at 2:17 pm
ross
haha, drunk dollars.
shouldn’t Reverse Flash run backwards?
March 26, 2011 at 2:26 pm
Mikael
I swear there was a monster in Power Rangers that was created from a lipstick that looks A LOT like The Red Hood on that cover…
From what I understand Reverse Flash is already a character in the comics, but he usually goes by Zoom, which although still zany is tons better.
There is no way you could convince me that Superman isn’t pushing his crotch forward in that cover…
March 26, 2011 at 4:46 pm
Brendan T
“Sidenote: Are fake boobs such a thing now, that dudes genuinely don’t know the difference between what giant silicone implants looks like and natural breasts look like…are we really to that point?”
Well, fake boobs, push up bras, etc. I do think there’s a large contingent of men who don’t understand how large, real breasts hang. (or how smaller breasts look in differing styles of clothing) Hell, there was someone on the Beat who refused to believe Adrienne Palicki DOESN’T have fake boobs after seeing the Wonder Woman picture.
I’m not going to get into the whole “male nerds don’t see naked girls” stereotype (though it’s a fairly good opening for it) but I do think there’s something to be said for artistic references tending toward fantastically endowed features, thus leading to artistic references with either fake or powerfully pushed up boobs, thus leading to crazy unnatural art.
I want to talk more about this, but I’m worried I’m rambling as is. And I’m probably the wrong gender to harp on it. But yeah, I think it’d be interesting to analyze the source of what definitely seems to be a trend (beyond OMG BIG BOOBZ IZ HAWT~! logic)
Ummmm…wow. Kinda sidetracked there. So um, yay drunken solicits?
Yay drunken solicits.
March 26, 2011 at 5:55 pm
optionalplayer
Detective Comics 878: Is that Jabba the Hutt’s sail barge?
Flashpoint: Batman Knight of Vengeance 1: He looks like a dog showing his teeth!
Power Gril 25: Spot-on.
March 26, 2011 at 8:57 pm
Blank
Yay drunk solicits!
-I’m trying to imagine what Red Hood’s little head looks like under that and all I can think of is a conehead.
-That Gates of Gotham cover is soooooo pretty, I love the colors and all the faces in the stained glass!
-Flashpoint/Aquaman: that’s the most unflattering haircut ever.
-Flashpoint/Legion of Doom: This would be 100x better without that ugly lensflare that looks like it was photoshopped in at the last second.
-Flashpont/Lois Lane: I think that thing on top of the bus is supposed to be the Canterbury Cricket (but colored gray for some reason)!
-Everything about that JLA cover is atrocious. Donna’s giant cleavage, Bulleteer hugging her thigh(?), Jesse’s bellyshirt, Red Tornado’s horrifyingly muscled chest (?)
-The Spirit: I love the concept there but that execution is pretty lacking. The bathroom stalls look like they were drawn with the line tool in Paint and everything looks ultra flat.
-Wow, that Zatanna cover would be so much prettier with a better facial expression.
Can’t wait for Marvel tomorrow!
March 27, 2011 at 4:15 am
theintruder
Zatanna’s face is OK…obviously it means she found something very surprising in the book she was reading…so what’s the problem?
March 27, 2011 at 6:09 am
Caanan
I thought that Power Girl cover was a cross-promotion with Katy Perry … ‘Baby, you’re a firework!’ La la la, fi-i-irework…
March 27, 2011 at 3:33 pm
7rano » Bat
[...] źródło Udostępnij wpis Subskrybuj Zostaw swój komentarz poniżej: Tagi: batman, grafika [...]
March 28, 2011 at 7:25 am
Victor
About JSA Giant special…Just imagine the Title Block…so what?
March 28, 2011 at 11:21 am
1979semifinalist
@Greg: OMG. You are so right Greg – what was I thinking! Adding a head would totally undermine that Cinderella cover!
Sometimes I try to think about what artists think when they draw these things…and then my head starts to REALLY hurt and I have to stop.
@Phillip: Yeah, the homage is nice. I also prefer the original though.
@ross: TOTALLY.
@Mikael: Supes is TOTES pushing out his crotch…cause he knows he’s being compared to Batman.
@Brendan T: BOOBS!
@Optional Player: It TOTALLY looks like Jabba’s barge! Nice call.
@Blank: I think even a conehead would be too large at the base! It’s so crazy looking, right?
Totally agree on The Spirit and “the line tool in Paint” comment – dead on.
@theintruder: I think saying that Zatanna’s face is just about “surprise” and ignoring how weirdly porny it looks is a little naive. But you know, tomato, tomahto.
@Caanan: Nice!
@Victor: I just meant that the cover doesn’t make a goddamn lick of sense without the titleblock, which I assume the character is supposed to be like “holding up”.
March 28, 2011 at 4:08 pm
Stuart
I’m fairly certain that Red Hood is Beaker from the Muppets. Shit, he’s been hitting the gym pretty hard.
Loving the cover solits… drunk or otherwise.
March 28, 2011 at 5:07 pm
Victor
Yeah, and how ridiculous it would be with the logo?
this is funny because I did this cover a little before of starting to follow this blog .
I agree with your criteria (mostly)
March 28, 2011 at 5:34 pm
1979semifinalist
@Victor: The cover is probably pretty good with the Title Block…the point of the sentence (other than to be funny, which really should be the only point) is to point out that it looks pretty silly minus the title block…which is clearly designed to reference the title block heavily…and then it’s missing. It’s not a criticism of the actual artwork, which I find to be pretty good.
I’m glad you follow the blog, I hope you’re not offended. I try to be honest and funny, regardless of what that reaction is, but I’m also, at least recently, doing these while drunk, so it’s best if not taken too seriously.
March 29, 2011 at 11:50 pm
caleb
Wait, what’s all this talk about fake breasts…? They’re not all real? There are ways to change the appearance of breasts?! Man can now play God, with breasts?! I never learned of any of this is health class!
…
That Power Girl cover is really silly; it’s hard to imagine no one at DC thinking that maybe she should, like, block the lightning bolt with her hand or something, so I guess they were going for a “Hee hee, a lightning bolt just disappeared into Power Girl’s cleavage” gag for some reason.
March 31, 2011 at 3:24 pm
LAndrew
Re: Superman Infestation cover
Yeah, so I’m guessing he just explodes somewhere in this comic then, yes?
Because dude is SWOLL.
April 2, 2011 at 1:16 pm
1979semifinalist
@caleb: Welcome to a Brave New World Caleb.
When I try to imagine the conversations that happen (or rather don’t happen) at DC and Marvel regarding some of these covers (and of course beyond) it makes my head hurt…bad.
@LAndrew: Totally.
April 2, 2011 at 9:48 pm
Allyn
“Dear Jesus Saiz. Please don’t ever leave. And if you get a chance, change that goddamn ridiculous costume. Love, Kelly.”
I live in fervent hope that DC will put Helena back in her mid- to late-90s black and purple costume. Or if they really must have her with the white cross on her chest, go with the armored variant (with facemask instead of the helmet) of the Huntress costume that Tony Daniel used in Batman about a year ago.