Here are the “rules“.

And if you’d like to see the full January 2011 Marvel solicits head over to CBR.

So Adam tells me that though he enjoyed my DC solicits yesterday, that I seemed really negative…which I wasn’t going for, so maybe me trying to be slightly funny just comes off rage-y…but I don’t want to be all RAGE RAGE RAGE…so I’ll try to tone it down, but this is Marvel and I’m sure there are some Rogue covers in here somewhere…so we’ll see how it goes…

Age of X: Alpha 1. So I’m intrigued by this despite myself.  I mean…I don’t like the cover, which looks to be just a cut and pasted group of X-men (and NOT by Chris Bachalo as the solicit suggests)…but I don’t know…Rogue is front and center which always pleases me, so despite myself I’m intrigued, as I said.

This is the Rogue they’ve cut and pasted from…right?  Also, I hate the costume below as it sucks, but at this point it’s almost an improvement over what we’ve got as it can’t possibly be “accidentally totally unzipped constantly”.

Amazing Spider-Man 652. Jesus Fucking Christ.

Amazing Spider-Man 653. Nothing really wows me about this, but it is really nice to see three powerful heroic ladies, fully and fairly appropriately clothed and standing like heroes not models and pornstars.  I am pleased.

Avengers Earth’s Mightiest Heroes 3. Haha!  Cap looks ready to kick ass and take names (while slightly cross-eyed) and Thor looks like he just peed himself and then swallowed his gum.  Awesome.

Avengers Prime 5. Mr. Adams, I love you almost as much as Mr. Davis but I must scold you as I scolded him months ago…WTF is up with Hela’s tit being bigger than her head?  Is this something we’re trying to set a precedent on?  If so I am displeased.

Avengers: The Childrens Crusade 4. Though I’m not a fan of the no-background background, I have to be honest, I dig this artist’s style (Chueng?) I just like the look of his figures (and faces).  So I like this okay, despite it not being anything revolutionary or particularly brilliant.

Avengers Academy 8. Nice.  It’s always kind of awesome to see three (fully clothed) heroic ladies on a cover.  And I like the way this one looks.  Also, though I generally like Veil’s costume, in the books the face part of it has really been bothering me.  I like how it looks here much better…but it still doesn’t make much sense…how is it attached?  Does the hair go over and under it?  Does it just stop at the hairline…if so how does it stay on…and is it necessary?  WTF.  These kinds of things keep me up at night comics people…!

Avengers vs. Pet Avengers 4. I’m in, if only for the awesome float-y glow-y cat at the bottom.

Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #514. I don’t read Daredevil or Black Panther regularly so I have little idea what’s going on here other than “Black Panther is now Daredevil” or something, but this looks kinda badass.

Marvel Events Handbook 1. So Marvel, what you’re telling me is that on your “events handbook” which has TWENTY characters on the cover, only ONE is a woman?  And at that a floating head Spider-Woman who is not really Spider Woman but a Skrull?  So the ONLY woman on a cover with TWENTY characters (mostly superheroes) is a villain?  Really?  Fuck you.  Yeah, no wonder I’m not interested in your “fancy events”.  You can keep the fucking things.

Ahem…sorry.  But my “try to stay more positive” things slipped for a minute there…can you blame me?

Captain America: Hail Hydra 1. Though I remain firmly anti “jeans as costume” this is a pretty sweet cover.  The graphic design elements alone sell it, but when paired with the composition, perspective, and color palette choices I’m quite pleased.  🙂

Casanova: Arc Two 1. Very nice.  Great kind of monochromatic blues plus yellows/oranges.  Nice break up of the images and text.  Sold!

Daredevil: Reborn 1. OMG.  Awesome.  Man I love Jock’s cover work.  This if fucking fantastic.  Almost makes me wish I was reading Daredevil…almost.

Dark Tower: The Gunslinger – The Little Sisters of Eluria 2.  Wow.  Super creepy and kinda scary, definitely intriguing as to what’s inside.  Very effective.

Deadpool Corps 10. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa!

I Am An Avenger 5. As I said above, love the hell out of Alan Davis, but this looks a bit phoned in and flat to me.  Not terribly interesting, though of course the characters are well rendered.

Incognito: Bat Influences 4. I admit it, I’m intrigued.  This is a really effective cover – well laid out, good text choices, nice imagery.  Having Ed Brubaker and Sean Phillips names on the cover doesn’t hurt either.

Iron Man Legacy 10. This is maybe the first time I’ve ever liked the use of floating heads.  Well, except that time when John Cassaday sorta did one with Wonder Woman on that recent Superman cover.

Loki 4. Kinda badass.  Kinda scary.  Kinda cool.

Marvel Adventures Super Heroes 10. Um, Invisible Woman?  I think you’re gonna need a bigger shield.

New Avengers 8. Um, I’m an unabashed fan of Stuart Immonen…but Mockingbird looks like she’s wearing a scary Halloween mask of herself…and a weird hairpiece…it’s…freaking me out.

Ozma of Oz 3. Ohmigod. This is AWESOME. Far and away my favorite cover of the batch.  Skottie Young is just on fire for me lately – everything he touches turns to gold.  Look at her adorable chubby legs and tiny feet!?  Her crazy bent stool…and headless body…and head…and HAIR.  LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT.

Scarlet 4. Eh.  This is the least interesting cover for the Scarlet series for me thus far.

The Stand: Fifth Series 1. I can’t quite put my finger on what I like about this…but something about it really works for me.  Maybe it’s just the way the figure is rendered and the interesting composition combined with lots of weirdness going on…?

The Thanos Imperative: Devastation 1. Two things, #1) Medusa I hate to be the one to tell you, but living hair or not, that shit looks terrible!  The top is so high and…well, totally ridiculous…it is some fugly hair, alive or not. #2) I hope Marvel figures out how to spell Devastation before they go to print.

Thunderbolts 152. Prepare yourselves to be shocked.  This is the best Greg Land cover I’ve ever seen (probably).  In part because both his ladies are pretty much covered up and I don’t feel like I’ve definitely seen them recently on the cover of a porno.  Don’t worry though, he’ll fuck it up.

Thunderstrike 3. Hahahahahahaha.  Is that HAIR?  WTF?

Ultimate Comics Spider-Man 152. Christ on a fucking bike.  Do I even have to say it?  Blarrrg ifuckigncanthandleanymorefuckingcuttothestomachbullshitVWE)INni an]pvnfQ!

Uncanny X-Force 4. This is pretty interesting, if only because of all the shapes on Fantomex, Deadpool, Psylocke and Angel/Archangel/Whatevers costumes are creating some really cool graphic patterns.  I dig it.

Uncanny X-Men 532. And there it is.  He fucked it up.  It took what…three…maybe four covers?  Yeah.  This looks fucking ridiculous.  I mean, I’ve long been on the side of “Emma Frost can wear pretty much whatever she wants and I’m okay with it because for ONCE it’s well established that that’s part of who the character is and it makes sense”.  So I don’t even mind the outfit (though it’s a pretty poor/extra tacky version of it)…but I do mind the horrible grotesque proportions and shit drawing.  I suppose there are dudes out there that find this attractive…but I would not be one of those dudes…even if I was a dude.  How is it “standard issue hot” to have shoulders twice the size of hips, just so that the frame can sort of reasonably support those giant fake as shit balloon tits?  And by support I mean “make room for drawing them on”.  How is that even supposed to be hot?  It looks fucking hideous.

Warriors Three 4. Nice little Amanda Conner offering.

Widow Maker 4. Hmmm.  I’m a little surprised a Phil Noto drawing has Widow’s costume unzipped or “cut” that low…but it could be worse.  Other than the costume snafu I like the shapes and composition as well as the limited color palette.

X-Men: To Serve And Protect 3. It’s a little unclear but I guess that’s supposed to be Storm fighting Thor.  This would be another case where Storm looking Black at all – in skin tone, eye color, hair color, hair type, or you know any actual features – would be really helpful, because without the solicit text I don’t know that I could have recognized her if you’d given me all day.  I mean, her skin tone here is exactly the color of the Nordic blonde god she’s fighting…even with the bluish lighting effect that probably shouldn’t be the case.  That said, she is rocking the fuck out of that costume.  I know it doesn’t make sense but part of me wishes this was her usual costume.  I’m generally really anti “boot with heel” for superheroes, but I might be willing to make an exception for these…they are HOTT.

X-Men 7. Nothing to write home about here really except that I like this image of Storm.  Powerful and epic…plus she’s got the headdress!  I know Nick will be pleased.  🙂

X-Men Legacy 244. I cannot escape Rogue and this goddamn unzipped costume.  It haunts my dreams Marvel.  And it makes me hate you.  Please change it, or set a precedent that the shit needs to be zipped up to a reasonable (above underboob) level.